is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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