since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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