It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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