sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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