I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
