Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i came on her dog
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I will be naked everywhere
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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