Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
