so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
