just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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