He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
