There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
