Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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