we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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