my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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