so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
