When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
