He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Congratulations! We have a period
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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