Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
