What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
