I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
