Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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