Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
