I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
