dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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