Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
