2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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