Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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