Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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