i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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