Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
