Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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