Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
