Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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