Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
