D3 body, D1 cock
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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