she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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