I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I pour the whiskey from now on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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