Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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