her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
