I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
