i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
