woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
