We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
