think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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