I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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