Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
