Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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