Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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