you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
