Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
