I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
