Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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