never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
