i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
