Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't put those talents on a resume
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
