im six kinds of drunk right now
We got so high we made milksteak
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
