totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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