This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
