and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
