dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
