what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
