just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
