we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
